Only gets better from here on up

I am Suma

2011-02-17T19:32:00.000-08:00

Family situations change with rapidity these days. As I was growing up in a small southern Minnesota town in the 70s, I remember the first time I ever encountered anyone whose parents had divorced. I was ten years old and close to flabbergasted at the thought of living in a blended family as my new classmates, Karen and Denise did. The two girls lived in the same house, but they had different last names. They each had their own mom and dad who didn’t both live with them and now they also had step-parents.

Step-parents. I’ve never had to introduce someone to my step-parent. My own parents will soon celebrate 55 years of marriage. But Karen M. had to introduce her 4th grade teacher to her new mom at parent-teacher conferences.

The first part was straight forward. “Hello Mrs. Zimmerman, this is my step-mom, Mrs. Martin.” But then did Karen turn to her step-mom and say, “Step-mom, this is…” or did she call her something else? Mrs. Martin? Jan?

Having a formal modifier, step- or half- or birth-, to describe the nature of relationship that exists between two people seems…distancing.

Several years ago my husband and I served as sponsors to a couple who wanted to join our church. It was a random match of volunteer sponsors, which we were, with new members, who turned out to be Sue and Lisa. We stood up with the couple as they were blessed and accepted into our church. Eventually, Sue and Lisa began a family together.

I never asked, but I did wonder if their children called them both Mom. Each woman, having given birth, was now a mom with the addition of first a daughter and then a son into their family. But wouldn’t that get a little confusing as the children grew old enough to talk? “Hey Mom!...No, I mean the Other Mom.” I don’t think calling them Mom-Sue and Mom-Lisa would be necessarily comfortable to the kids as they entered into school and their friends would overhear.

Calling someone a second mom can be an affirming thing as in the case of my 21 year old’s best friend. Emily refers to me as her second mom and I like it. No one’s nose is out of joint because the types of relationships are clearly defined. Emily’s mom is her Mom and has no fear of being unseated. I am Em’s second mom by agreement and welcome the opportunity to extend a little maternal love on a dear young woman.

Now I have a new situation. The daughter I placed with another family through a closed adoption in 1985 sought me out and, with my previously granted permission to the adoption agency, found me. Now Jenny has two moms. Of course her adoptive mom is called Mom as it should be. But Jen and I have created a new term for me.

Jennifer calls me Suma. We didn’t want there to be distance between us by calling me birth-mom and we didn’t want to imply a diminished relationship by having to describe her Mom as her adoptive-mom. She didn’t want to call me by my first name because our relationship is closer than that. So a special name emerged so recognize my new position in her life.

What’s wonderful is that it can apply to all of the situations described above. Karen Martin could turn to her step-mom and say, “Suma, I’d like you to meet my teacher, Mrs. Zimmerman.” Lisa, who gave birth to the eldest of her children can be called Mom by that child and Suma by her younger child. Emily can affectionately refer to me as Suma without concern of hurting her mom’s feelings.

And Jenny can introduce me to her friends and family with, “Grandma, Jessie, I’d like you to meet my suma, Susan.”

Are you a Suma? Do you know one or have a suma in your life? Share this affirming name with her and see what she says.

Bruce Schneier, Internet Security Expert, Tells All

2010-11-21T22:55:00.000-08:00

I attended a talk by Bruce Schneier earlier this year. I found it so energizing, I wrote the following response:

Okay, so maybe he didn't tell all, but he did say a lot. And I'm not buying every thing he said. But what can I say about what he said that is pretty much axiomatic?

None of the following is a direct quote because I didn't confirm these statements with him when he spoke at the Twin Cities Media Alliance Brown Bag Lunch With A Journalist, this past noon on Wednesday, February 24 at the East Lake Public Library, Minneapolis, Minnesota. So, these statements are what I thought I heard and my own interpretations. If you wonder about any of this, check with Bruce.

1.Information Technology is invading our privacy on a scale we're never seen before--it's not malicious, it's just the nature of technology.

2.What was once ephemeral has become permanent with regard to shared data on the Internet.

3.What was once a one-time conversation has become permanent. Think about that one. It's easy to pull up posts, conversations from message boards, etc. from five, ten years ago.

4.What was once not worth saving, now is saved. And why not? It's cheaper to save than to figure out if it's worth saving. Again, think of how your parents or even you used to save all those documents and tried to remember the rule of thumb about "how long to save a piece of paper" as if the saving of such could save your life. Now we can just download it to a thumb drive and pop it in a drawer along with all those other thumb drives with wedding photos, baby-birthing-events, and the Top 1000 Songs of the 1970s.

5.It is illegal to market according to race, but it's perfectly legal to offer coupons to a target mailing list. Where do those mailing lists originate? This practice is such an easy, tempting, exploited roundabout to marketing equity.

6.Concerning privacy, it now must be made explicit what was once ad hoc. If you don't tell facebook flatout to keep its nose out of your business, you'll end up looking at ads and apps targeted straight at Who You Are. "How'd they know I was thinking about buying some seeds for the garden?" How, indeed.

7.The death of privacy is inevitable. This slope presented itself to our feet long before computers. Think partyline. Think urban dwellings. When was privacy ever sacred?

Bruce spoke most emphatically on the idea of a generation gap in technology. Yeah, sure, we know that kids can whip together websites and programs with their thumbs. But Bruce was talking more about how kids today (warning #1--a generalization, that's never a good sign.) aren't concerned about their privacy. They have grown up living a public life that's all out there on the Internet and they don't flinch from it.

I agree somewhat with Bruce's perceptions regarding high schooler, but here were my inner thoughts: In contrast to many of today's parents, my own parents didn't micromanage me. It often seemed that they didn't even know all that much about my homework, my classes, my teachers, my extracurricular activities. Nowadays, I see parents at the library with their older teenaged child, copying research for them, carrying their books, and telling them what they need to do.

So many parents have infiltrated their child's life in both academic life and social life, that their child has pretty much resigned him/herself to powerlessness. In the false belief that they are "helping" their child, they are undermining their child's sense of self, their child's self-confidence, their child's ability to become autonomous and self-sufficient.

What are the implications of this interference? Emotional paralysis? Indifference to privacy? Political impotency?

Bruce suggests that this waning control of privacy is detrimental and an acute breach to our security. I'm not buying that, either. Jeremy Iggers, executive director of Twin Cities Media Alliance, which sponsored the brown-bag-lunch talk, smartly asked me, in front of everyone, that if I thought privacy wasn't a big deal, then what was my salary? I quipped, "I don't have one. I'm a poet, remember?"

But the truth is, of course, I do earn money and I wouldn't have qualms about revealing that amount. It's not the information itself, but how it's used that's the problem. If we continue to delude ourselves with thinking we can keep anything private, we'll continue to run into breach of privacy and scandal.

We can choose to become a police state in practice all the while believing that we control our privacy or we can lay it all out on the table and say, "Here are the facts. There's nothing more to see, folks. Now go about your business as usual."

I guess I live, or want to live, in a Utopian World of Respect.

2010-09-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

There's a second story behind The Emperor's New Clothes that does not involve vanity, but self-talk. We know the story, the king was vain and wore clothing that was invisible, all the while thinking to himself that everyone else--who was much smarter than he--could see the clothing perfectly.

In fact, no one could see the clothing because it wasn't there. At the end of the story, a child points this obvious fact out to the crowd, ignorant of the implications of "not being able to see the clothing." The king, however, felt he must go through with the procession to save face and appear dignified. (Although I don't know how dignified he could seem naked as sumo wrestler!)

The second story, as I see it, involves the king who told himself a) he was wearing fine, splendid clothing and b) only he was too stupid to be able to see the clothing.
That relates precisely to how clothing can affect a person with a body-image problem.

If I go and buy some gorgeous clothes that show my best (physical) self off, even if I don't believe it, I can carry myself in front of others with confidence. Now, the Emperor's Clothing story sort of negates my theory, but stay focused on how the emperor felt at the beginning of the story, when he began to parade about the village wearing nothing but a smile. And hopefully some undergarmets.

He believed in his "clothing" and walked about as if it were true. Therein lies the power of self-talk. I already own my glamorous outfit. It's a silky black skirt that flares out when I dance. I recently bought a sheer, yet opaque, black top that follows my form like a glove. At my hips I have a choice of bellydancer bangles in gold or a sequined wide sash that stretches across my hips at an angle. I've worn both.

Even if I've gained a few pounds, wearing that outfit gives me confidence and pizzaz. I can carry myself with attractive confidence when I slip into my dancing clothes.

Jesus and Mavis Staples

2010-02-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

Boron

Sodium borate decahydrate (Na2B4O7·10H2O), better known as borax, is the third most important boron compound. Borax is a key ingredient in a substance known as Oobleck, a strange material 6th grade students experiment with while participating in Jefferson Lab's BEAMS program. Other boron compounds are used to make borosilicate glasses, enamels for covering steel and as a potential medicine for treating arthritis.

I don't want to create another blog, but I have no place for my fiction. This is essay and my other blog is poetry. Feh. I'm posting here.

I'm sitting quietly, but Mavis Staples is not singing quietly. Her swarthy, mother-lode of a voice belts out, "Stop, children. What's that sound? Everybody look what's going down." The huge hum of our furnace rumbles beneath all the other noises, churning out heat to cold fingers and shivering obliques. For some reason, my sides squeeze tight like a girdle and shiver when I sit here at night.

Above my head is the classic print of Jesus at the Last Supper. A halo surrounds his head, his eyes demurely downcast, arms spread with upturned palms. The apostles flank him in various degrees of disbelief, skepticism.

"Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on," Mavis coaxes. Jesus might be saying the same thing to his disciples. He's focused on what lies ahead although I'm not sure how he can know the future. His followers question his visions, preferring the security of the status quo, taking refuge in what's static--not unsettling--as their rabbi suggests. Harness your hopes on my word, brothers. Trust me.

Keep your eyes on the prize, James, and Thomas. I know it's hard to believe, but soon I will be gone. No, don't ask me why. If you haven't figured that out by now, then the answer will be revealed in time. Simon Peter, soon you will be all ears in a way you can not now imagine.

You've got to wade on the water, brothers. The slurry of people who will rise above the flood need you to rescue them, guide them. Andrew, John, and you, there, Phillip, don adequate foot covering so that you can walk on the rocky beach and not slice your feet. It won't be easy, the waters of Galilee will soak you, but I know you're up to it. Pray, don't tell me you have else to do. You were born to do my will.

I am waiting for my child, for my child to come. I am waiting and I'm watching. Bartholomew and Matthew, have you seen the children? Have you touched them and held them? When I'm no longer here, take their hands and comfort them. You, too, Thaddeus and you also, James. Step boldly, yet tenderly, for the children's path is slippery as if lined with straw and oil. They grow and will be distracted, but grab their hands and show them the way.

I am the Way, you know. I have been the way since my mother prodded me in your lands, Simon, in Canaan. The water never tasted sweeter, did it? I am the way for each of you. I am the way for you Judas. I am the way for you to choose your path of destruction. You will not sleep easy tonight, my brother. You will rest like on a nest of locust, a mat of nettles.

And I will rest likewise, but not from an ill conscience. My heart will be troubled by what I see in your eyes right now, Judas. My soul cries out for the iniquity of your lust, Judas. The iniquity of your lust.

Prompts for January 27, due February 3:

Sitting quietly, listen for three sounds and include them in your post.
Tell the story in a single voice as if it's being told to you.
Include the words: straw, soak, & harness.
Include the phrase: I'm all ears. (You may change the verb tense if needed.)

Lithium

2008-05-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

Lithium is not found free in nature and makes up only 0.0007% of the earth's crust. Lithium carbonate (Li₂CO₃) is used as a drug to treat manic depression disorder.

Buying ice cream with twenty-nine choices on my first visit to Rostock, Germany
I could see what I wanted; but couldn't find the shop that sold it: I'd lurk at the back of lines, only to discover the retailer serving liquor or bratwurst mit einen kaiser. I tried following people around who held the desired delight, but couldn't muster the nerve to ask: Wo finden Sie es? I was too tired to deal with all that miscommunication entailed.
After walking up and down blocks of stores displaying beach toys and sport clothes and kaffee, I spied one with a long line, a sign out front with pictures of cones and cups filled with neon-colored ice cream, and corresponding prices. Viola!
Ja. I'd found my longed-for treat. As I neared the front of the line, I craned my neck to decipher the flavors before I had to pick one. Vanille, schokolade; pfefferminze, nougat; walnuss, haselnuss, whisky krem, and all sorts of berries.
My turn.
I point, not remembering the word for dish, open my mouth, and promptly start speaking Thai. Kaw nung... oops. Wrong language. Dang. I smile and hold up two fingers.
She asks if I want two scoops. I can understand that. Yes. Whisky krem und nougat.
New-ghat?! She quizzes. I nod my head. Plop goes a scoop of chocolate-looking soft ice cream.
Nein, nein. Ist das schokolade? I ask. Waving my hands back and forth in front of me. No schokolade, bitte.
The clerk squints at me, thinks about removing the scoop, but realizing it's already melted into the whiskey cream portion and cannot be separated, frowns.
Nur whisky krem, I say.
With an annoyed sigh she grabs a new cup, dishes me a new scoop and bangs it on the counter. I place 50 euros on the money plate and she returns 47.50 back to me.
I walk away dissatisfied with the exchange, vowing to be more patient with myself and others in the future.
I don't even like whiskey.

2008-05-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

Helium

Helium, the second most abundant element in the universe, was discovered on the sun before it was found on the earth by Pierre-Jules-César Janssen, a French astronomer.

One of my favorite musicians recently released another solo album. From his first track I hear an excellent life motto. "Everything I do gonna be funky from now on...just to be myself and do my thing, a little soul can do you no harm." The headache I've been cursing all morning starts to dissipate as I dwell on those words.

I'm not sure what it means to be funky for anyone else, but for me, it's walking on my own path, swinging to my own groove, and feeling in harmony with the world in my own skin. It helps to practice at some level, a bit of mindless (or would that be mindful?) bliss.

I can not solve the troubles of this world, but I don't have to add negative energy to it. So I'm going to be myself and do my own thing. You do yours, too.

Hydrogen

2008-04-13T23:11:00.000-07:00

Hydrogen is the raw fuel that most stars 'burn' to produce energy.

Chris Ison said, during a journalism workshop that I attended this weekend, that taping one's interviews is a good thing, "but painful." He went on to say, this man who's won a Pulitzer for his reporting, that he hates to listen to all his dumb comments and questions when later transcribing the recording.

I found that remark to be a mixture of delight--even the pinnacles of success carry the same self-doubt as I--and reassurance--I'm not alone in my angst as I strive to be that Perfect Journalist. As if.